Learning what it means to wait on Him …

You may think by now I would have learned how to wait on the Lord and trust Him better.  I believe the Lord is showing me that I need to do much better.  How do I know this?  I have found myself in many situations lately where I have to wait on a person and trust that the Lord will take care of everything while I have to wait.  Well guess what??  It is really, really hard to wait and not try to do something on my own — ya know take the situation into my own hands.  Then I have to go and read this verse again:

You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.  (2 Chronicles 20:17)

The good news is that I am getting much better at “being still” and “waiting” and “trusting” …. if it be on the Lord or on a person … oh and the most important part is that the result of waiting and not taking matters into my own hands is the outcome is sooooo much better than what I thought I could do on my own!   Ha!  I didn’t do it on purpose, but I have definitely at times taken things into my own hands and not understand why it wasn’t working out.  Duh!

Thankful that I am still learning to wait on Him!  He is Jehovah-Jireh — the One who sees and provides!!


Anxious and Fretting

I went to bed last night thinking how “at rest” I was and “at peace.”  It was a good day and I know blessed of the Lord.  Yes it was Valentines Day and yes I am single — but I could care less (most of the time 😉 ).  I was excited to go cook dinner for my Dad and brothers and to give them their Valentines gifts (sugar cookies!!)  It was fun and they loved it …. and well so did I.  (Oh and SU finally won so that helped with too.)

Then the morning came and I was anxious!  How could I be anxious?  I reminded myself of the verse “Fret not!” and “Be anxious for nothing!”  and the Lord reminds me “Trust in me!” –“Have Faith!”

I know part of the reason why I was anxious this morning and it stems from some disappointments.  I have had a lot of disappointments in my life – we all have – why does it never get easier?  I am also so bad at having high expectations.  I have been working on it and I am slowly getting better.  Want to know why I don’t find Christmas that exciting anymore? I used to set such high expectations for it and I kept getting let down.  Now when the day comes I had little expectations and then I enjoy the day so much more!

The important thing that I have learned is where to place my hope, trust and expectations!  That is in the Lord!  This life is going to disappoint but the Lord is not!

Then I get into work and usually I take a moment to read Streams in the Desert and I opened it up and it says “Fret not thyself” (Psalm 37:1) — Uh oh — Now I am in trouble.  A few quotes from it:

“Fret not thyself.” Do not get unduly heated! Keep cool! Even in a good cause, fretfulness is not a wise help-meet

In fretfulness, a little bit of grit gets into the bearings–some slight disappointment, some ingratitude, some discourtesy–and the smooth working of the life is checked.

Dear restless heart, be still; don’t fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.

Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God’s own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.

Dear restless heart, be brave; don’t moan and sorrow so,
He hath a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.

I also read David Wilkersons email and it was about Faith and not fearing.  I was getting it from every side this morning.

Oh beloved, God rejoices in our faith. He awaits to give us hope and open our eyes to his loving care. The decision is ours to make—even this moment. It is within our power to choose to trust God in our present and future trials. It is either the wilderness of despair or the smile of the Lord and an open heaven.

God help us all to hold fast our faith. Do not give up.

Smile of the Lord” and “..for peace is God’s own smile”  —-I love how they both mentioned “smiling” and of the Lord!  He is smiling at you and He wants you and me to remember –>> Don’t fret — Don’t fear — Have Faith — Trust Him — Hope in Him– Expect from Him!!!  Don’t forget His smile!!!!!!

Thank you Sis. Jessica

Why do we sometimes start our days with such optimism and others as if the day is bad before it starts?  We so quickly forget that “His mercies are NEW every morning.”  Today started less optimistic which is to be expected when I was so optimistic last night.

It is the end of the second marking period, which means a lot of grading to do.  Got to work today at 7:30 am for my wonderful bus duty (ya know watch those kids getting off the bus — I did a bad job at it today too — poor Bernard’s’ bus aid had to come knock on the door because I was busy grading that I didn’t see him sitting out there – oops!)  I have a Bible class of ninth grade students and each marking period they have to do 3 to 4 “Independent Studies.”  Many times over the years I have been very encouraged reading a students paper and that is usually when I can see that they really learned something about themselves and their walk with the Lord through the assignment.  I found myself at one point tearing up at one students paper (remind you I was not very “optimistic” this morning) just at how much effort she put into it and you can tell she was doing the study for herself and not for me.  It was encouraging to see at a pretty young age how much she was seeking the Lord.

Then I get near the end of grading these papers and I could see how another student was truly learning and basically it was like a written out prayer that the Lord will help him to consider his words that he speaks because every word we speak is accounted for.

Matt 12:36  But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.

He writes “Then on judgement day you will have to answer for every single word that came out of your mouth.  Words are so powerful they affect everything that surrounds you.  Us sinful people forget that every word counts.”

This students’ words just set me back and convicted me because I do forget this!!  He was just so sincere and honest.

He continued by saying “After doing this study I was shocked and ashamed, because I thought they didn’t count, and now I want to free myself.”

What do you want to free yourself from? This 9th grade boy wants to free himself from being irresponsible with his words.  I want to free myself from MYSELF.  From my selfish desires and thoughts, I want to give more, I want to help people more, I want my “self” out of the way so that I can be His hand extended.  I do not want an idle words to come out of my mouth either.  These are prayers of mine.

Well then he surprises me by saying:

Thank you Sister Jessica, now I have one less obstacle on my road with Jesus! God Bless. ~

Wow!  Who I am to receive such thanks??!!  It is good to remember these moments when you get to see that you are being used and that you have reached someone.  It was the Word of God that reached this student, not me, but I was able to be an instrument and directing him.

After all of that, I was convicted for not being so optimistic this morning and to pick up my head so that I could fight the GOOD FIGHT of faith.

There are so many prayers I want answered!!!!!!!!!!  The Lord has promised me that I will see Salvation and I will receive the blessing in the Valley of Berachah (2 Chronicles 20: 24-26* see below) and it will be MORE THAN I expected.

So I will continue to pray and I will continue to do all I can to some how help all that are in my life!!



*24 When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked toward the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; no one had escaped. 25 So Jehoshaphat and his men went to carry off their plunder, and they found among them a great amount of equipment and clothing and also articles of value—more than they could take away. There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it. 26 On the fourth day they assembled in the Valley of Berakah, where they praised the LORD. This is why it is called the Valley of Berakah to this day.

** Berakah means praise and blessing!!



Again blog I miss you!!

Meditation of my heart 1

Romans 8:18 “…our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

wow — i don’t blog

There is such an untapped potential to use this for Christ!! We all have great testimonies and we should put it out there!

growth …

See you not, then, that God may take away your comforts and your privileges, to make you the better Christians? Why, the Lord always trains His soldiers, not by letting them lie on feather-beds, but by turning them out, and using them to forced marches and hard service. He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers, and climb mountains, and walk many a long march with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs. This is the way in which He makes them soldiers–not by dressing them up in fine uniforms, to swagger at the barrack gates, and to be fine gentlemen in the eyes of the loungers in the park. God knows that soldiers are only to be made in battle; they are not to be grown in peaceful times. We may grow the stuff of which soldiers are made; but warriors are really educated by the smell of powder, in the midst of whizzing bullets and roaring cannonades, not in soft and peaceful times. Well, Christian, may not this account for it all? Is not thy Lord bringing out thy graces and making them grow? Is He not developing in you the qualities of the soldier by throwing you into the heat of battle, and should you not use every appliance to come off conqueror? –Spurgeon

I miss my blog too …

I feel like blogging.  However there seems to be nothing to blog about. Therefore this will turn into a random babbling by me.  It is a dreary Monday morning.  I couldn’t get out of bed and find myself counting down the hours til I can be back in bed.  I wish I was poetic like Alex (LOL), because I could write a good poem about today.  I also wish I was more artistic because I saw a “picture” sunday morning in church.  There was a mother on her knees with both her hands raised in prayer while her little 5 year old son knelt beside her just looking up at her as she prayed.  I love those moments.  There was one this morning, as I look across the cafeteria and see this young man from Korea drop his head in sincere prayer and I think to mysef how amazing it is the Lord brought him from across the world to our little school!

How could I be anything but quiet happy?

How could I be anything but quite happy if I believed always that all the past is forgiven, and all the present furnished with power, and all the future bright with hope because of the same abiding facts which do not change with my mood, do not stumble because I totter and stagger at the promise through unbelief, but stand firm and clear with their peaks of pearl cleaving the air of Eternity, and the bases of their hills rooted unfathomably in the Rock of God.  (taken from a Streams in the Dessert Devotional)


the kids in India just shine!!